As I get older I realize just how amazing my mom is and how good of a job she did raising twin girls and a son on her own. She had great resources for sure - my brother who is 7 years older than us, his wife, our aunt and uncle, and our entire church family - but she could have made other decisions(like decisions to be prideful and refuse help, or to be selfish) that would have made a big difference. She could have decided not to take the help offered to her, not to come up with creative ways of pawning us off in the summer to folks while helping their family, too(Brewer's, Bettis', etc.), and how to teach us to work at a young age so we could have things we {wanted}. So, on that note, I am thankful to my mom for a million things. That's right, a million. So here are a few that have really made an impact on me lately.
Matthew 18:15-17 (The Message)
"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love."
Mom had strict restrictions on tv watching. For expense reasons we didn't have cable for quite some time. Then, when we got it she blocked alot of the channels that we didn't need to be watching such as Mtv, BET, etc. I know many people who will think that's a bit much, and to us it was the end of our teenage world as we knew it, but we managed :) But, the principal was -what they had to show was not welcome in our home(where we were quite often). On top of the restrictions there was a lack of television watching that we did growing up. For a single mom, I think that's very impressive. She could have used the tv as a babysitter since she had to do so much on her own. But instead we spent our time reading, playing outside, and spending 30 minutes or so at the dinner table each night talking about our day, life in general, doing homework, etc. Our time together was just that - together. It makes me sad to know how many children are glued to the tv before they even hit their first birthday. They are missing out on so much time to develop their little brains & personality and have precious mommy and daddy time that you can't get back!
I am also thankful that she showed us the importance of saying thank you with a quick response from any gift by writing a thank you card. I can not tell you how often I write cards now - some not even for gifts but for just saying hi - something that we all don't do often enough. I mean, who doesn't love getting mail? Not only mail, but mail that makes you feel good about something you did or catching up with someone you haven't talked to recently. I always feel good after writing a thank you, after all - that person took the time to think of you and get you a gift, the least you can do is take a couple minutes to sincerely say "thank you". My friends and I had this conversation the other day. It's not that you gave the gift expecting anything - it's the fact that the receiver took the time to acknowledge and thank the giver. Plain and simple. And even if you can't get me one right away I will still take one a few months late. After all, better late than never, right?
And last, but certainly not least, she always encouraged us to deal with conflict head on. Sometimes that meant taking a step back to analyze if you were being hypersensitive, or making sure you have the right words and attitude, but no matter how or when - if there was a problem it needed to be discussed and resolved. I know many families where this is not practiced & I can't help but wonder how healthy it is to keep something inside for so long and never address it. Especially when the idea you have about the situation could be completely and totally "messed up" - after all, there are always 2 sides to every story. In our family if you have a problem, you bring it up to that person, talk it out, solve it, and move on. Growing up it was mainly the 3 of us -mom, Rachel and myself. Tell me in a house full of women we didn't practice this often :) Yet I am so thankful for it now because it has helped me in conflict with Chris, any issues that ever come up at work, etc. I will definitely pass this on to my children to promote a healthy family that discusses and works out issues. There is even biblical backing to this idea:
Matthew 18:15-17 (The Message)
"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love."
