Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Talk to Me
This morning after Finley's phenomenal night of sleep I had him in the bed with me hanging out. Chris was talking to me and all of a sudden Fin's eyes lit up and he moved his face towards Chris and watched him talk. What a way to melt this mama's heart! The bond that those 2 have is so incredible. I think that the daily skin to skin time has so much to do with that. Chris has done everything he possibly can from day one to make sure Fin knows who he is - his smell, his voice - it's all familiar to Finley. He is a hands on dad for sure and for that I am so very thankful!
Sweet Saturday morning
This morning Finley woke up at 5:45 after crashing at 9:30 last night. I was excited about that much sleep when he woke up so you can only imagine my surprise when he decided after his feeding that he wanted to go back to sleep.
And sleep he did! I laid him on my chest and we both dozed off - and woke up at 9am! Hallelujah! I was so excited. If there is one thing that Finley and I have in common it's that we love us some sleep.
What a great way to start the weekend :)
And sleep he did! I laid him on my chest and we both dozed off - and woke up at 9am! Hallelujah! I was so excited. If there is one thing that Finley and I have in common it's that we love us some sleep.
What a great way to start the weekend :)
Thursday, April 12, 2012
9 weeks in
Sitting here with Finley tonight{who I have held for the past hour as he slept} I can't help but think about the past 9 weeks. We've come a looooooong way, baby!
I have a feeling if I was blogging the first 2 weeks my blog would have looked like this:
Ohmygosh. I have never, ever wanted a nap this bad in all my life. The days run into night & night runs into day. I just want to sleep. Then sleep again. Then sleep some more.
Breastfeeding - this is tough! Am I doing it right? Is he getting enough? How many times am I going to have to wake him up to eat? How does he wake up best? So not only am I sore downstairs and bleeding but now I also have milk coming out of me and my nipples are sore. How in the world am I going to do this?!
Umm, I am supposed to SIT in this bed or on the couch after having a baby? Does anyone remember how he got here? Pain pills please! Oh my gosh I just want an hour of sleep. That's all. Ok, maybe like a 3 day sleepfest. Man that would be great. My days of sleep are done. For a very, very long time. Waaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!
How am I supposed to eat when I am not even hungry? I can feel the breastfeeding depleting my energy but I don't even want to eat. I just want to sleeeeeeep! Feed me? When do I have time to feed me when all he does is eat all day? Gah I sure am glad Chris is here to help me. Well, I am thankful for him but I am going to try not to kill him because he just dozed off for a minute while I am feeding and that's not.fair.at.all. Oh but look how sweet that is with him skin to skin with Finley. Be still my heart. Oh, can I nap while they bond? Yes! No, no, no he isn't hungry again is he? Dangit I just want a little sleep!!
Visitors? Really? I am in major pain, am trying to feed this man-child and i know I look a hot mess because who has time for a shower? Did I brush my teeth today? Yesterday? Nobody wants to see THAT. Oh that's right, nobody wants to see me - they just want to see Finley. But wait, he's attached to me all.the.time. How will that work? Oh it won't. Gotcha. Chris - take care of that please and get my pain pills while you are up if you don't mind.
Yeah that's what those first 2 weeks looked like. Babies have a tendency to wreck a calm house quickly - your whole life as you knew it just got turned upside down with this new, needy being. He needs you, you need the dad, and you all need strength from the Lord like you have never, ever imagined. Mama is in pain like never before and expected to take care of herself, this new and very unfamiliar baby, have all the answers to every question (I nannied babies for years, right? Yes but I left at the end of the day!) and somehow isn't supposed to kill the dad (Chris was a total rockstar but when you are the only one that can breastfeed it's tough. He fed me, changed diapers, got Fin to sleep after feedings if needed, encouraged me with the breastfeeding, kept the house clean, laundry and dishes done, and was my communication central for visitors) who is only doing their best and taking cues from mama.
The second week Chris had to go back to work, leaving me with the unknown. It scared me to death. How was I going to eat? How was I going to keep up with everything? Did he expect me to or was he ok with me just being mama? So many questions. So much uncertainty. I questioned every.little.thing. But I was bound and determined to do this by myself. This was my time to bond with my son and we were doing just that. With every feeding, every cuddle, every changing we were getting to know each other. Every day was an achievement and I tried to look at the little successes we had. Pee, poop(took about a week-ish), and naps - yes! We are getting there!
Miraculously, it all worked out. It got better just like everyone said it would(oh so those other mamas were right about that and many other things? Hmm. I should probably listen to them more often and take what they have to say into consideration since they have done this and I have not). Each day I cried out to God for wisdom, for peace in my spirit, and for for confidence. I reminded myself often that just like all the other mamas out there that I was doing the best I could. I took time to educate myself more each day with what worked for my son. I allowed Chris bonding time when he came home and shared with him my expectations of him and his to me. I made a point to watch Finley sleep every now and then, to talk to him, read books to him, to kiss and love on him, to hold him close, and to tell him I loved him because I know this will all pass too quickly.
Then things started clicking. This mom thing started feeling familiar. I gained the confidence I needed. And guess what? Just when I thought I knew Fin's self made schedule he would change it. And that's ok. I am flexible. I have to be!
Chris and I learn something new each day. We teach each other (kindly!) a new trick we learned, we take time to acknowledge each other and the gift God has given us when he gave us each other and now this child. We are on this very new, very unclear, journey together with the Lord guiding us every step of the way. After all, this parenting thing is tough. We need to work together as a team if we want to be successful.
And guess what? We are getting more sleep. It may mean Finley as our alarm clock, but that's ok! I will take it :)
I have a feeling if I was blogging the first 2 weeks my blog would have looked like this:
Ohmygosh. I have never, ever wanted a nap this bad in all my life. The days run into night & night runs into day. I just want to sleep. Then sleep again. Then sleep some more.
Breastfeeding - this is tough! Am I doing it right? Is he getting enough? How many times am I going to have to wake him up to eat? How does he wake up best? So not only am I sore downstairs and bleeding but now I also have milk coming out of me and my nipples are sore. How in the world am I going to do this?!
Umm, I am supposed to SIT in this bed or on the couch after having a baby? Does anyone remember how he got here? Pain pills please! Oh my gosh I just want an hour of sleep. That's all. Ok, maybe like a 3 day sleepfest. Man that would be great. My days of sleep are done. For a very, very long time. Waaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!
How am I supposed to eat when I am not even hungry? I can feel the breastfeeding depleting my energy but I don't even want to eat. I just want to sleeeeeeep! Feed me? When do I have time to feed me when all he does is eat all day? Gah I sure am glad Chris is here to help me. Well, I am thankful for him but I am going to try not to kill him because he just dozed off for a minute while I am feeding and that's not.fair.at.all. Oh but look how sweet that is with him skin to skin with Finley. Be still my heart. Oh, can I nap while they bond? Yes! No, no, no he isn't hungry again is he? Dangit I just want a little sleep!!
Visitors? Really? I am in major pain, am trying to feed this man-child and i know I look a hot mess because who has time for a shower? Did I brush my teeth today? Yesterday? Nobody wants to see THAT. Oh that's right, nobody wants to see me - they just want to see Finley. But wait, he's attached to me all.the.time. How will that work? Oh it won't. Gotcha. Chris - take care of that please and get my pain pills while you are up if you don't mind.
Yeah that's what those first 2 weeks looked like. Babies have a tendency to wreck a calm house quickly - your whole life as you knew it just got turned upside down with this new, needy being. He needs you, you need the dad, and you all need strength from the Lord like you have never, ever imagined. Mama is in pain like never before and expected to take care of herself, this new and very unfamiliar baby, have all the answers to every question (I nannied babies for years, right? Yes but I left at the end of the day!) and somehow isn't supposed to kill the dad (Chris was a total rockstar but when you are the only one that can breastfeed it's tough. He fed me, changed diapers, got Fin to sleep after feedings if needed, encouraged me with the breastfeeding, kept the house clean, laundry and dishes done, and was my communication central for visitors) who is only doing their best and taking cues from mama.
The second week Chris had to go back to work, leaving me with the unknown. It scared me to death. How was I going to eat? How was I going to keep up with everything? Did he expect me to or was he ok with me just being mama? So many questions. So much uncertainty. I questioned every.little.thing. But I was bound and determined to do this by myself. This was my time to bond with my son and we were doing just that. With every feeding, every cuddle, every changing we were getting to know each other. Every day was an achievement and I tried to look at the little successes we had. Pee, poop(took about a week-ish), and naps - yes! We are getting there!
Miraculously, it all worked out. It got better just like everyone said it would(oh so those other mamas were right about that and many other things? Hmm. I should probably listen to them more often and take what they have to say into consideration since they have done this and I have not). Each day I cried out to God for wisdom, for peace in my spirit, and for for confidence. I reminded myself often that just like all the other mamas out there that I was doing the best I could. I took time to educate myself more each day with what worked for my son. I allowed Chris bonding time when he came home and shared with him my expectations of him and his to me. I made a point to watch Finley sleep every now and then, to talk to him, read books to him, to kiss and love on him, to hold him close, and to tell him I loved him because I know this will all pass too quickly.
Then things started clicking. This mom thing started feeling familiar. I gained the confidence I needed. And guess what? Just when I thought I knew Fin's self made schedule he would change it. And that's ok. I am flexible. I have to be!
Chris and I learn something new each day. We teach each other (kindly!) a new trick we learned, we take time to acknowledge each other and the gift God has given us when he gave us each other and now this child. We are on this very new, very unclear, journey together with the Lord guiding us every step of the way. After all, this parenting thing is tough. We need to work together as a team if we want to be successful.
And guess what? We are getting more sleep. It may mean Finley as our alarm clock, but that's ok! I will take it :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Soundtrack of My Life
So often we take for granted the role that music plays in our lives. I can hear a song and it instantly spark a memory with my soul - a good one, a bad one, a fun one, a sad one - whatever the case may be it causes me to stop and reflect. Listening to my recent playlist made me do just that yesterday, so I wanted to share those songs with you{all 3 of my readers, hi mom!}.
Fire and Rain by James Taylor - My friend Michael Trail passed away my senior year of high school. This song always makes me think of him. Always.
Be Mine by David Gray - One of "our songs" :)
Crush by Dave Matthews - Another one of our songs. This one is the one that I distinctly remember Chris making me listen to when we first started dating in 2001 telling me that it made him think of me. Sappy, I know!
Deep Enough to Dream by Chris Rice - Nana's song. I imagined her singing this song as she laid in the hospital peacefully before she passed away. What a wonderful entrance she made into heaven!
One and Only Love by Teitur - My girls walked down to this song in my wedding. Sweet memories...
Push by Sarah McLachlan - The minute I hear this song I think of coming down the aisle on my wedding day.Tears sometimes follow. Not your typical song, but oh so true of how I feel about Chris.
Have I Told You Lately by Rod Stewart - This song will always and forever make me think of my sweet mama. She tells us this all the time and I will get it in random text messages. I surprised her with it as the song we danced to at my wedding. There were a few tears :) Rachel then had it in her wedding reception, too and it ended with Rob, mom, Rachel, and me hugging and crying. Sweet memories with this song; however cheesy it may be!
Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus - The perfect amount of girly cheesiness. This is THE Millar girl party song. Even Cora Beth loves it - she can bust a mean move to some Miley :)
Heavenly Day by Patty Griffin - Annie's beautiful voice singing this song on Rachel's big day. Perfection.
Be Still and Know by Steven Curtis Chapman - this was my song towards the end of my pregnancy. So many unknowns and this song reminded me that the Lord already had my labor mapped out - minute by minute - I just needed to trust HIM.
All My Fountains by Chris Tomlin - Oh how I cry every time I hear this song! My labor song. I had this in my head all day the day Finley was born and I don't think that was coincidence :) Chris Tomlin was also Finley's first concert when I was in my late second trimester and he danced the entire time while I had tears of joy for the worship experience I was receiving with the greatest gift growing inside of me. What a wonderful song! Open the heavens, come living water, all my fountains ARE IN YOU!!! Rain down on us Lord!
Everything's OK by Chris Rice - This is Finley's song. I blog about that HERE.
Blessed Assurance by Jadon Lavik - The song I sang to and from my meeting at the Chamber concerning me coming back part time. Praising my Savior all the day long - on the way there for the promise I was claiming through Him that he had already paved the way and on the way back praising HIM for part time!
Fire and Rain by James Taylor - My friend Michael Trail passed away my senior year of high school. This song always makes me think of him. Always.
Be Mine by David Gray - One of "our songs" :)
Crush by Dave Matthews - Another one of our songs. This one is the one that I distinctly remember Chris making me listen to when we first started dating in 2001 telling me that it made him think of me. Sappy, I know!
Deep Enough to Dream by Chris Rice - Nana's song. I imagined her singing this song as she laid in the hospital peacefully before she passed away. What a wonderful entrance she made into heaven!
One and Only Love by Teitur - My girls walked down to this song in my wedding. Sweet memories...
Push by Sarah McLachlan - The minute I hear this song I think of coming down the aisle on my wedding day.Tears sometimes follow. Not your typical song, but oh so true of how I feel about Chris.
Have I Told You Lately by Rod Stewart - This song will always and forever make me think of my sweet mama. She tells us this all the time and I will get it in random text messages. I surprised her with it as the song we danced to at my wedding. There were a few tears :) Rachel then had it in her wedding reception, too and it ended with Rob, mom, Rachel, and me hugging and crying. Sweet memories with this song; however cheesy it may be!
Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus - The perfect amount of girly cheesiness. This is THE Millar girl party song. Even Cora Beth loves it - she can bust a mean move to some Miley :)
Heavenly Day by Patty Griffin - Annie's beautiful voice singing this song on Rachel's big day. Perfection.
Be Still and Know by Steven Curtis Chapman - this was my song towards the end of my pregnancy. So many unknowns and this song reminded me that the Lord already had my labor mapped out - minute by minute - I just needed to trust HIM.
All My Fountains by Chris Tomlin - Oh how I cry every time I hear this song! My labor song. I had this in my head all day the day Finley was born and I don't think that was coincidence :) Chris Tomlin was also Finley's first concert when I was in my late second trimester and he danced the entire time while I had tears of joy for the worship experience I was receiving with the greatest gift growing inside of me. What a wonderful song! Open the heavens, come living water, all my fountains ARE IN YOU!!! Rain down on us Lord!
Everything's OK by Chris Rice - This is Finley's song. I blog about that HERE.
Blessed Assurance by Jadon Lavik - The song I sang to and from my meeting at the Chamber concerning me coming back part time. Praising my Savior all the day long - on the way there for the promise I was claiming through Him that he had already paved the way and on the way back praising HIM for part time!
Monday, April 9, 2012
2 Month Photo Shoot
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Mama
It is seriously hard being the mama tonight. Tonight I don't want to put Finley down in the bassinet right next to my bed because I knows it's our last day in the love bubble that has been my maternity leave.
These past 8 weeks have flown by so quickly. The insecurities of motherhood crept in from day one as I met and got adjusted to Finley and are slowly going away as we become more and more familiar with each other. My last day of work I didn't have any clue how much I would love this little guy. The guy who knows my voice, my smell, my touch. Who God gave to me to be his mama. I have spent so much time loving on this little man of mine the past 8 weeks. It makes the days run into nights and nights run into days stage the first few weeks worth every second now seeing him look at me and smile as if he's saying,"hey mom, you are doing a great job." It also makes it harder to leave him!
I am very thankful that I will not be going back full time, but will only have to work 3 days a week from 8-3. That's a huge praise! I will never forget when I was reading My Utmost for His Highest out loud to Fin and it said to tell God out loud the desires of your heart & I told him with tears streaming down my face that I wanted to be home with Finley more. That afternoon Chris came home and told me that he wanted to talk to me about work & that part time was certainly possible without me saying one word to him about it. But of course, I didn't have to say a word - God already had!
These past 8 weeks have flown by so quickly. The insecurities of motherhood crept in from day one as I met and got adjusted to Finley and are slowly going away as we become more and more familiar with each other. My last day of work I didn't have any clue how much I would love this little guy. The guy who knows my voice, my smell, my touch. Who God gave to me to be his mama. I have spent so much time loving on this little man of mine the past 8 weeks. It makes the days run into nights and nights run into days stage the first few weeks worth every second now seeing him look at me and smile as if he's saying,"hey mom, you are doing a great job." It also makes it harder to leave him!
I am very thankful that I will not be going back full time, but will only have to work 3 days a week from 8-3. That's a huge praise! I will never forget when I was reading My Utmost for His Highest out loud to Fin and it said to tell God out loud the desires of your heart & I told him with tears streaming down my face that I wanted to be home with Finley more. That afternoon Chris came home and told me that he wanted to talk to me about work & that part time was certainly possible without me saying one word to him about it. But of course, I didn't have to say a word - God already had!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Working 9-5
Well, more like 8-3 :)
I met with my boss yesterday about the possibility of me working part time and it was a success! I am so excited. I will be working Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday 8-3. What an answer to our prayers!
I met with my boss yesterday about the possibility of me working part time and it was a success! I am so excited. I will be working Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday 8-3. What an answer to our prayers!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Those Dang Shots!
Today Finley had his 2mo well baby visit. Our little guy is 13.5lbs and 23.5 inches long {hello, we have a baby the size of a 6 month old at 2 months}. We certainly aren't complaining since he is a healthy, growing boy and for that we are extremely thankful. I couldn't help but think about parents who go to the doctor often because something isn't going or working the way it should. My child's health - our family's health in general - is something I do not ever want to take for granted.
At today's visit Finley also got his shots. There were some tears involved (mostly mine) but he did so well! He is asleep right now and I prayed over him that the Lord will remove any pain and/or discomfort and that He will keep him from having any reactions to the shots. I pray he gets plenty of rest to help his little body recuperate. Although, I will admit I do love the extra cuddle time and am so thankful that I can be here with him.
Here is his reaction so far :
At today's visit Finley also got his shots. There were some tears involved (mostly mine) but he did so well! He is asleep right now and I prayed over him that the Lord will remove any pain and/or discomfort and that He will keep him from having any reactions to the shots. I pray he gets plenty of rest to help his little body recuperate. Although, I will admit I do love the extra cuddle time and am so thankful that I can be here with him.
Here is his reaction so far :
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