I share this picture because it's the first time at Father's Day that I can look at it with different eyes. Eyes that grieved the loss of my daddy (even though he did not die) and acknowledged that it was a traumatic event when he abandoned his own children. I gained this new perspective through the counseling I received last year that changed my life & my relationship with my Heavenly Father. My eyes now see that this man's choices had nothing to do with me & that I have a Heavenly Father who never has & never will leave me and will always love me. Eyes and a heart that understand grace, mercy, & forgiveness like I never have before.
I share this photo and these words because I am thankful that I did the hard thing, put my pride to the side, & went to counseling to work out emotions that were creating problems in my life that I had ignored far too long. My marriage was suffering and I was having anxiety issues that I never had before, all because of issues in my past that even though I kept saying were "fine" and "really ok, we are better off without him" - those coping mechanisms just weren't doing the job as a new mama who couldn't help but think
about her daddy who was around when
she was a baby and then just POOF!
left.
I share this photo because I'm thankful for amazing girlfriends who reached out to me and supported me by telling me about their counselor Debi at Branches so I could speak to someone trustworthy. They text me to make sure I made my appointment, would agree with me when I told them it was hard, beautiful, confusing & a million other emotions, cried with me, and cheered me on. They cared. Sometimes we didn't share details and sometimes we did. They were and are my SAFE support and that is priceless.
And most of all, I share this because I want you to know that if you are reading this and thinking,"this sounds familiar" I that it is more than ok to seek wise council to help you work through what's going on. You will be SO VERY thankful you did. Even though sometimes you will want to run away screaming ready to give up, it's worth it. Going through the heart change I did and still do every day has changed my life in many, many ways. Ask Chris - since he was patient enough to wait through it all I can honestly say that it saved our marriage (I'll have to share more on that another time). 45 minutes one time a week to have someone listen to my fears, ask questions, answer questions, and tell me things I sometimes didn't want to hear saved me from becoming a person I didn't want to become.
Thankful for HIS GRACE.
Below is the verse I claimed while beginning my 29th year off right to make sure 30 was worth celebrating. To be here one year later (I wrote this entry last year http://strengthforthedays.blogspot.com/2012/06/father-day.html?m=0) I stand in awe of what He did, what He's doing, and what He'll do as I allow Him to fight for me and give Him control of everything I do.
"The Lord will fight for you,
You need only to be still."
Exodus 14:14
