The Honeymooners ehhh...maybe?

"The bottom line is that marriage is a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it"

"You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it."

Agree or disagree with these quotes - that's up to you. But they definitely hit home with this married for almost 5 year "newlywed" who works full time, has many commitments, and who gets tired of people asking when Chris & I will have kids {that's another blog, another day!}. Marriage is work. It's hard work. And it certainly doesn't get easier as times goes on.

Just the other night I was getting treats out for El and Mip and Chris was emptying the dishwasher I thought to myself,"This is my husband next to me helping me out. This is the man I will {Lord willing} live with forever. That will be a part of my everyday - the fun parts and the mundane. The struggles and the joys." It's those little moments that bring to realization what marriage really means. It means forever - no matter how boring (or in our case how busy) life is, how many times you yell and fight and get on each other's nerves, how many times the dog poops or the cat gets sick and you argue over who picks it up - it's life. It's everyday reality that we are a TEAM. Without a true effort on both parts it could, and would, fall apart.

Don't get me wrong thinking I am all down in the dumps on marriage - that's not the case at all, but I want to be realistic about it. No one ever told me about what it was like post marriage. Yes, we did pre-marital counseling and that was very helpful, but maybe post-marital would have been more effective. I had many friends that shared plenty of advice for the big day(where to look for dresses, shoes, how I should wear my hair, etc), where to go on the honeymoon, how to decorate our house, but nothing about what it was like after. I was really the first of my friends to get married, so I didn't have anyone really sharing with me how much changes, how long it takes to adjust to the new reality, and the reality of really being ONE.

Shortly after we got married I read the book 52 fights - A Newlywed's Confession when I found it at Hastings in the cheap-o used section and instantly felt better. It helped me realize that everything we were going through was normal and that everything wouldn't change overnight. I now had a permanent roommate - as in we shared a room{which Lord help us all also meant a closet & bathroom}, not just a house - and that it wasn't expected of me to be able to live with someone and not fight, have major differences, and feel the need to run out of my house kicking and screaming from time to time {this happened more than I care to admit}. One hard reality was when I got angry or didn't get my way I couldn't just up and leave to go home - I.Was. Home. Dating for 5 years that had always been an option. I remember one time leaving and just driving straight out to Eagleville. HA! But at least I realized I needed time away to just think, refocus, and realize whatever it was I was upset about it sure as heck wasn't as big a deal as I thought it would be.

I moved into Chris' house, therefore, I wanted to redecorate, rearrange, make it ours. But, 3 months in I lost my job and then things started going downhill from there. We weren't active in a church {heck, we didn't even look for one until about 6 months into marriage since we were both stubborn about leaving our own church families} and didn't realize how much of our marriage was focused on just 2 of us, not with the Lord as the leader in our house. We just started on a major journey that wasn't promised to be easy and weren't looking at who we needed to for all wisdom, discernment and if we were it was individually and not together. Sad as it is, it took one major obstacle to slap us around a bit to show us the hard truth. During that time I had all kinds of emotions - anger, distrust(which was never a good thing considering my trust issues), and disappointment. But, that one struggle helped us realize everything that was important and to realize how badly we needed to work as one unit to make this life of ours work. Again, this wasn't going to happen overnight - it took quite some time, but it was what we needed.

Sad as it is, and this is especially true for me since I am so incredibly stubborn - sometimes God has to take you to the bottom of the pit to show you He's the only way to get out of it and that's where we were. And he brought us out. It hasn't been the easiest climb. It sure as anything hasn't been fun at times, but who said it always would be? We have chosen to remember that we are in this together, that God is the leader of this household and the provider of all things - the things we think are good and the ones that we think are bad - and that HE knows what is best for us. He has plans for us to prosper, he will not harm us, and he has hope and a future waiting for us (Jeremiah 29:11 promises this!). It is ours to receive. For this I am truly thankful. I am also thankful that HE is our example of love. After all, we love because HE first loved us. So, on the days when I am cranky, tired, stressed and don't want to talk - I know that I am loved. That my heavenly Father loves me and that because of His love so does my wonderful husband. Even when I don't deserve it. ♥