Father's Day

Let's just say it's not my favorite day of the year. I thought this year would be different - better - but my emotions instead were all over the place. And by all over the place I mean I found myself balling my eyes out twice while working out emotions. But I do feel like it was a cleansing day I didn't know I needed, but God did, and I am thankful I released so much of what was inside of me.

I wasn't surprised that these emotions emerged when I have been thinking about my dad quite a bit since Finley has been born. To think, this man possibly (we aren't 100% on where he is exactly) lives in the same area as his children that he hasn't seen in over 15 years and 3 grandchildren he may or may not know exist is discouraging to say the least. Does he care? Does he think about us? Should we if he doesn't? In ways I am very, very thankful that when he was out of our lives he went out completely. No in and out and playing with our emotions. Just gone. Many of my memories that involve him are vague, maybe a picture will make me think of something or a song but it's not clear. Maybe that's because of the hurt he caused. Maybe it's God blocking the pain. Maybe it's because he was never fully present anyway. What I do know is I have forgiven him. I have accepted that he made mistakes whose consequences impacted more than just him. That he hurt our family, yet our Heavenly Father took that hurt and turned it into strength. He turned what could have been hatred and confusion into love and acceptance. Our family was and will not be defined by what was missing but, even better, what was missing.

Dealing with my own emotion also made me think of how many others suffer on Father's Day because of a father who is no longer in the picture for whatever reason. I pray that they are constantly reminded that an earthly father can bring hurt, but that we have so much promise through our Heavenly Father who can ease the pain. Who reminds us that He has plans for us to prosper. That the pain will only make us stronger and even more grateful for those we have in our lives that love us.

So this year I got to experience that gratitude. I have a more than wonderful husband who is an amazing father to our son. I have a father in law, stepdad, and uncle who constantly show me sweet fatherly love and a brother who is breaking the curse and raising 2 sweet children who will know their daddy and his love for him. Who dedicated his son back to the Lord on Father's Day to prove his faithfulness. And that is better then any gift I have ever been given. I may have grown up fatherless by the world's view, but I knew better than to believe that meant I didn't have men who loved me and wanted to help with my hurt and turn it into hope. And they did. Oh, yes, they did.

Of course I have to show off the pictures from this day. I received one from my father in law while he was playing with Finley while I was getting ready to go swimming. Look at that sweet boy in the red chair growing up too fast! And of my two favorite boys - There is nothing more attractive than a good daddy, and Chris gets more attractive every day :)
I also went swimming with Finley for the first time, so fun!