Stroller Strategies

Yesterday on my lunch break I stopped by Once Upon A Child just to look around since I had never been there before to see what they had. I hit the jackpot! :) I found this adorable gender neutral stroller for a great price of $40! After standing outside in 90+ degree weather in my heels and black dress soaking up the sun I found that there was not a single scratch on it, nothing I could see was wrong with it - it was perfect!

I sent this picture to Chris and he approved right away, agreeing that it was gender neutral but still cute. I decided to think on it and do some research, so after I got back from lunch and googled as well as asked some opinions from mom, Jaime, and co-workers I called to have them put the stroller on hold. After work I went back to get it and was so super excited to also find some Kelly Rightsell bunny prints that were originally in the store for $25 discounted all the way to $6! SCORE!

After looking around for a bit I purchased my goods and the lady told me I could take the stroller with me since she had it ready. Then panic sunk in. Um, how do I get it in my car?! I didn't want the lady to work there think I was going to be a horrible mother who didn't know how to collapse a stroller so I was looking all cool and collected walking the stroller to my car with my purchase for unknown baby D and then well, I got to the car and...for some reason the stroller didn't just find it's way into the trunk like I expected it to. I mean, I probably felt around for a solid minute or 2 just trying to remember where the latch was that makes it go down. Then I couldn't remember if there was more than one latch

or maybe I have to take something off and then it collapses? I could have easily walked back into the store and had one of the ladies helped me but every stubborn bone in my body told me that was not an option. Finally I found the button at the top where it said "turn left and squeeze" - so I did - and BAM! I had collapsed my baby's stroller! I felt like such a proud mama.

Yeah, so it has been a while since my nannying days when I could have done that with one baby on my hip, but I was so proud! So move on over stroller mafia - this mama is making her way in to your club! I was even successful with getting it out of my trunk when I got home so I could show Chris my super savvy stroller skills :)

Dog Days Are Over...

Recently a friend of mine told me that after having her child that she didn't really pay as much attention to her dog. WHAT? Ellie is our sweet little baby that we adopted together over 4 years ago. We love her so much that it is hard for me to imagine our real baby coming into our world and not involving our fur baby in all the fun and to shove her to the side. I asked around and many of my friends said it is definitely an individual thing, because they feel like their dog is just as much a part of the family as the baby and now seeing the baby with the dog is just tender. We even have friends whose daughter calls their dog Bubba for brother, it's hilarious! She just came up with it on her own :) That's how I want things to be with Ellie & our baby.

The hard part is that right now Ellie doesn't really get it. I figured her instinct would kick in - which it has a little bit - but she still steps all over me and my belly and that is just not ok. She is always right by my side when I don't feel well, which is sweet, but I am waiting for her to realize that shoving my belly with all of her weight on one paw is just not ok! I hate getting upset with her and having to tell her no, since I know she is just trying to cuddle with me. Hopefully this won’t last long. Last week she put all of her weight on my stomach as we were riding in the truck and I reacted quickly by shoving her down into the floorboard because it hurt & worried me so much. Then I felt simply HORRIBLE like I was the worse

mom ever! I couldn’t believe I just did that to my sweet fur baby! It also left a

huge trail of bruises on my leg to remind me of what I did, as if I didn’t already feel bad enough. Can’t wait until this is over and we can all get along :)

Ellie with her little paw on my belly the other night. So sweet. Maybe this is progress!

Check out this picture a friend of mine pinned on pinterest.

Future shot of Ellie & baby d – hope so!

Hey Mr. Postman!

AHHH! Today we mailed our announcements - all 56 of them. To be honest, we have had most of them done for a while, but just couldn't get up the nerve to send them out in case someone was to spill the beans too early (sorry friends, we love you but we know it's hard!). I am bummed because I forgot to get a picture of all the cards before mailing them {hello baby brain} but they looked oh so cute! Chris got great stamps, which I loved because he knows every little detail is important to me :) But I did get this pic of all the details that went into our card.

The announcement looks like this:

baby,baby

Dear our little tadpole,

Wow. It's hard to believe it - but you really do exist! Everything about this feels very surreal right now. We found out on June 1 that we were going to have a baby and yet, almost 2 weeks later it still hasn't really sunk in. We are beyond thrilled, and so is everyone that we have told so far(mostly immediate family and VERY close friends). We went to the Dr. this past week and she confirmed that you are in fact there and growing(of course, I didn't have to hear that since my hungry tummy is a constant reminder of the fact I am feeding someone other than myself!). You already have a trunk full of goodies that we have been collecting over the past year or so knowing that one day we would be able to share them with you. Since we told some of your family they have also gotten a few things. One thing is for sure - you will be loved and you will not go without :)

We are excited to see you this Friday as we go for our first ultrasound. It will be the first of MANY pictures that you will have made. I am not afraid to use a camera (you will learn that soon enough I am sure). And yes, I say we because your Dad wouldn't miss this for anything. He was at the last appointment with questions to ask and was a huge help to me. You are a very lucky baby to have him as your Father. He actually got his first Father's day gift this past weekend!

We love you and are so excited to watch you grow and then to meet you and have the honor of sharing our lives with you. What a miracle and blessing you are to us both - and all of your other family you will meet soon enough! ♥

March of Dimes - why walk?

This morning in the Chamber Diplomat meeting my very wonderful friend who is involved with the March of Dimes, Kim Kersey, was kind enough to mention the MOD walk and my team. For some reason, when was talking about the mission of MOD and how our premature niece had affected our lives I got very emotional. For those of you who know me, this isn't a new thing, but to get emotional about the walk is. I mean- it's a WALK! I believe it’s because I have been so focused on getting team members, raising awareness & money, and hadn't really taken the time to think about WHY I want to have a team to WALK FOR HEALTHY BABIES. I just knew that I said I would the minute she was born. This also can be credited to the fact that I've spent the past year "going through" many events in our life without taking time to really let them sink in.

So, here goes it. My story of why I want to walk for healthy babies. Be prepared - it's long, but totally worth a read.

You see, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for kiddos. I have babysat since I was 11 and spent my college years working full time taking care of other people’s children. I loved them like family and learned so much during that time. With 3 families in particular(1 being my brother, sister in law & sweet niece Cora Beth) I was with them during their first days at home. And what an eye opener that was! Not only did I learn so much about babies, but I saw the emotional stress that the families went through, especially moms who already had other children, the eggshell feeling that one wrong move and the baby will break, etc. Luckily, I was with families whose pregnancies and births were very “normal”, very by the book. For this I am very thankful. Along the way, however, I did have friends who suffered miscarriages, had babies that passed away not long after birth, and too many other circumstances to write about. One especially hit home when around the same time as Ellie Grace's birth my stepdad's niece gave birth to triplets, with only one surviving.

In November of 2009 we found out that Chris’ sister, Shannon, was pregnant. She was due in June 2010. A June baby - how fun! Visions of birthday parties by the pool and a month that didn't already have 3 birthdays was more than exciting. Spring arrived quickly and the showers were planned. 3 cute shower invitations were on the fridge for 1 for late April, 1 for the beginning of May and then another for June - all given by wonderful family friends. We were all looking forward to celebrating the upcoming birth of Miss Ellie Grace & couldn't wait to see all the cute little girly clothes, accessories, etc.

That all quickly changed when April 27th I got a phone call mid morning that Shannon had experienced really bad back pains the night before and woke up that morning certain she was having major labor pains. Shelly rushed her to the hospital and counted the whole time - realizing the pains were 2 minutes or less apart. Shannon was not dilated at all, and was not prepared to have a baby. Shannon was checked into Stonecrest and was told the pains were definitely contractions and they needed to stop them. After a day with really no progress she was quickly sent to Centennial via Ambulance(Stonecrest does not have a NICU, so knowing that Shannon would end up delivering during this time with a preemie they had to transfer her). During the week she was in the hospital before she had Ellie Grace Chris and I tried to make it down as much as we could as well as many other family members, but with full time jobs and many responsibilities it was not always easy.

The emotional stress on our family was very present. Shannon’s husband Michael was by her side the entire time, but they had animals at home that needed to be taken care of , gas was not cheap going back and forth(getting clothes, taking care of the animals, just taking a breather for Michael), and hospital food gets really old – but eating out every meal is expensive, too. None of us knew what each day would hold – would it be the day they would decide to deliver? Would Ellie Grace go into some kind of distress and they would have to deliver right away with none of us having enough time to get down there? It was hard. OH and let's not forget that the weekend after Shannon was transferred was the weekend of the Nashville flood. I know, right?! As if there wasn't enough going on! Thankfully, the day they decided to deliver Ellie Grace I was about to walk out the door for work and just had this feeling that it was the day. Sure enough, as I was getting ready to leave we got the call that it was go time. Chris and I got in the car and went to Centennial – nervous and excited about what awaited us.

On May 6, 2010 Shannon gave birth to Ellie Grace 6-ish weeks early by emergency c-section after a week in the hospital & constant ups and downs with Ellie Grace. That girl was ready to come on out! She and God had big plans :) Ellie Grace was 3lbs 8oz, so tiny and so fragile. It was not the same birth experience that we had with Cora Beth - everyone crowded around in the room after she was born passing her around oooing and aahhhing, waiting all day for the moment when we could see her, hold her, touch her – not the case at all(read more at http://daypartyof2.blogspot.com/2010/05/ellie-grace-is-here-aunt-emily-and.html). Ellie Grace was in the tiniest incubator and was rolled down the hall right after birth and taken immediately to the NICU all wrapped up like a tiny burrito. Shannon was healing and resting, not even getting to be a part of all the action.

{EGB as she was brought out to her awaiting fan club}

{little burrito all wrapped up}

{Enjoying a nice family moment waiting our turns to see EGB right after she was born}

In the NICU Ellie Grace could only have 2 visitors at a time, so no big family moment filled with lots of pictures and smiles all around – nope, this was different. Chris and I waited to go last so that everyone else could have a turn to see her. We were very fortunate that Michael had no siblings and Chris was Shannon's only sibling, so we could visit her. And let me tell you - they did NOT mess around! There was a limit of 6 visitors on the list and you had to present your id when you signed in and out. You took off all jewelry, put on scrubs, and washed up at the sink that was timed for a 3 minute wash with sponges and fingernail cleaners. There was also a very extensive sheet you had to sign stating all medical issues you had or were experiencing before you could enter – which made me thankful neither Chris or myself had a cold or anything else because we would not have been able to see EGB.

{sporting the scrubs with the timed 3 minute sink in the background!}

So we suited up and got to go in and…look at her. No holding, no touching, just looking. Admiring the work of our Savior and knowing that He had wonderful plans for this sweet little bundle who thankfully didn’t need oxygen and was doing fairly well with the NICU tests. To see some of the other babies around her – some as little as 1 and 2 pounds - made us very thankful for that sweet little miracle baby. We prayed over her, talked to her, and just took it all in.

{Uncle Chris checking out Ellie Grace's new digs - she even had a window view!}

{us hanging out with Ellie Grace for the first time!}

Ellie Grace stayed in the NICU for 4 weeks, and thankfully Shannon got to stay in the hospital a few nights and then the Ronald McDonald house had a room available when they needed it most. We all continued to come as we could and visit with Shannon as well as get our time in with Ellie Grace during visiting hours. It was so sweet to see families leaving with their babies from the NICU and hear their stories(some had been in the NICU for months!).

{Shannon feeding EG from the tiniest bottle you have ever seen!}

{Michael holding EGB - she was SO little!}

{sweet little thing!}

{EG holding my finger for the first time a few days after she was born}

{Shelly holding EG's paci in the hospital}

{me holding EGB for the first time about a week after she was born}

What a wonderful day it was when Shannon & Michael FINALLY got to take Ellie Grace home! That little bitty baby in her carseat - so, so tiny & cute!

{heading home!}

{Family picture - finally all home together!}

{Chris holding Ellie Grace for the first time a few days after they came home}

To say the Lord provided would be a mighty understatement. So many times we just ”go through” without really stopping to think about every little detail and how the Lord provided for everyone the entire time - but HE did, in a mighty way, meet all of our needs according to HIS glorious riches. Shannon actually had 2 showers during that time – 1 (the one our sweet friends the Rowland’s were throwing) was when she was in the hospital and we didn’t know what was going on, so it was cancelled. The other was church friends of Shelly’s and we had it after Ellie Grace had arrived. It was such a sweet blessing to be there and celebrate with the guests, but was very difficult since Shannon wasn't able to come. It was pretty entertaining to take the gifts to the hospital where Shannon was re-cooperating so she could open them.

{some of the shower gifts from Shelly's friends at WOC}

The one that was planned for June went on as planned and ending up being a sip and see of sorts. Due to her preemie state Ellie Grace was VERY limited on visitor's and Shannon was greatly encouraged to keep her homebound for quite some time. So, Ellie Grace hung out upstairs with her Papa(Don) while we all showered her with wonderful gifts. It was a sweet time of celebration and then as the crowd died down a select few were left that could and visit with her. Nothing sweeter!

From there, everything has gone well and it is crazy to think that Ellie Grace will be one in a few weeks! She has remained healthy and is a VERY active little girl! She was dedicated in November at World Outreach with all of her family present and it was a sweet time for our family to celebrate the gift that she is to all of us. Such a little girl with such a wonderful spirit & happy personality!

{Ellie Grace being dedicated back to her Lord & Savior at 6 months old}

{Ellie Grace in February(9 months) when we were visiting her for Valentine's Day}

{Looking all cute on Easter... ALMOST 12 months!}

SO - why do I walk? For babies like Ellie Grace. And Cora Beth. And my future niece or nephew that Jaime is cooking right now. For those who ARE born healthy, who aren't born healthy, and for mamas who experience difficult pregnancies. TN was among 13 states that received an “F” on the Premature Birth Report Card with a preterm birth rate of 13.5 percent – nearly double the national target of 7.6 percent or less. The need in our community is evident. March for Babies helps raise funds to support research, awareness, education & local community

grants for programs to help moms have full-term pregnancies & babies to begin healthy lives. Because every baby deserves a chance!

**If you would like to donate to my walk or learn more, check out http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=1526992

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother's womb.

I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!

Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside & out, you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."

Psalm 139:13-16(The Message)

cut, color, and a therapy session

Today I went red. Yup, RED. I was so over my blah brown so I called my friend Chris Ivey a few weeks ago and told her to start thinking about red for me. I did some google imaging and worked up the nerve to do it. I was all thinking I would do all over color but Chris knows me best and decided to do red highlights/chunks. And I LOVE it! It's funny how doing something different with your hair makes you feel like a new person. Apparently it was just what the doctor ordered for me. You see, I've been going to Chris for over 10 years now so she has watched me grow up. On a day like today when it's just the 2 of us we cover everything. Family, friends, food, working out, work, kids - you name it. As I was leaving Chris asked about Mom and it made me get kinda emotional. It made me realize that I do miss my mom. On the way home, I started getting kinda neurotic as I recapped everything Chris and I talked about and the realization of what I have gone through in the past few years. It brought on a surge of emotions - good and bad - and made me regret listening to the "stop this train" song by John Mayer earlier in the day, which I think may have really gotten all this going.

You see, my past few years have been BUSY. I don't know if you watch "Bethenny Ever After" but she had this kind of a moment on her show the other night. She was in the bottling plant watching as thousands and thousands of bottles move past her with her idea, her vision, her willpower inside (skinnygirl margarita). She got emotional and starting talking about how so much of the time we have something exciting happen and then we just keep moving to the next thing, then the next, then go from big idea to bigger idea, etc. without stopping to realize and really relish in the success of what we did. I feel like that has been my life over the past few years. One thing to another, to another, onto one really big thing, move past that onto whatever is next. Never letting it really sink in, the reality of it all. The reality of it all for me right now is this : my mom lives in Huntsville with my stepdad ( that's still very new), my brother & sis in law live in Milton with my sweet niece and soon to be niece or nephew, twin sister lives in Nashville with her new hubby, and Chris' sister and new hubby live in Eagleville with our niece and ALL of them - well, we don't see them as often as we'd like. After all, I spent the first year with Cora Beth, mom used to be here and not 2 hours away, Rachel lived right down the street, etc. It's hard. Everyone in my family works full time and our weekends are busy. Chris & I work full time and have so many commitments outside of work that we enjoy, like to have time with friends, with each other, with our dog and cat - how do you balance it all? I have no idea.

But today I sat back for a few minutes and let it all sink in, kinda. Even just going back one year from now is hard to process. I don't even know that it could be done. So I moved on. Onto things that scare me/make me anxious about getting older (I know, so healthy, right?). And since I have already said this much, I may as well just go all out and spill my guts on this one. In another Bethenny quote,"ther she blows!"

What if we can't have kids? (Doesn't every woman think about that?). What if when Chris & I do have kids my mom will still live in AL and work full time & I want her around, with me, whenever I need her(so selfish, I know!)? What if I want to adopt, but it never happens? What in the world do I want to be when I grow up? Am I doing everything I can with the resources I have been given? And so on and so forth...and that was just on the way home! Whew. I am exhausted just reading it. Looking back now I really believe that it's good to let these emotions out every now and then. But, I am not letting them get the best of me. I have to remember that MY God has a plan for everything. I have to cry out to my ABBA Father and say,"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”(2 Chronicles 20:12) I have to BE STILL and know. Know that it is good for me to stop and think about everything that has happened and give thanks to the one that has brought it, but to not get worked up about what will happen. That's in HIS hands. The best place for it all.

So, I guess I can consider this therapy session #2 for the day :) And since I did mention it, I will leave you with the lyrics of the song that got it all started. Dang you Pandora!

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

The Million Dollar Question

Chris and I dated for 5 years before getting married. I was 18 and he was 20 when it all began, so we took our time. I was nowhere near close to being a married girl, but yet I knew I wanted to marry Chris. I wanted to live on my own, I was in school, I was working full time, we were both enjoying the wonderful "college" season. Yet, somehow, other people didn't see the same thing we saw so the inevitable came - after a few years the question, "when will you get married?" was constantly being asked. In September of 2005 after Chris had lived in his house for almost a year and Chris told not to renew my lease, we got engaged. Knowing I wanted plenty of time to plan and that summer was a crazy busy time for Chris we decided to get married Labor Day weekend 2006. So, finally we could answer the question - September 1, 2006 is when we will get married.

Well, it will be 5 years this September that we've been married and as you can imagine the next question to come has been asked numerous time over the past few years... "where are the babies?", "when will you all have kids?", "why don't you have a baby?".

Things were pretty smooth until last year when Chris' sister had Ellie Grace and everyone started getting ideas. Can I just say (haha, why yes, yes I can since this is my blog!) that there is nothing more awkward than people you already don't talk to often asking you such a personal question?! I don't mind when it's family (although, they don't ask) or close friends (which does come up in conversation and I will voluntarily talk about it with them). But if I haven't seen you in years and you walk up and ask me why we don't have kids, well I think that is one of the rudest things you could do. We simply do not owe anyone an explanation. Unless that is an offer to provide us with the insurance deductible, diapers, clothes, and practically move in to help I don't see the need to ask.

Another reason why - what if we can't have them? Then how awkward would that be? I have many friends right now who simply cannot get pregnant. They have been trying for years and do not have children. Do I know if that will be us? I have hope & faith that God will give to us exactly what He knows we can handle, but with my heart for adoption it simply wouldn't surprise me if he has other plans. If those other plans include us not birthing our own children than will I be excited? Yes. Will it be hard? Yes. Even as a little girl you imagine having children that look like your family, that you and your husband made together as a combination of 2 families coming together to make 1.

My cop out for this question has always been that I started babysitting at age 11 and after keeping children full time for 6 years at age 24. That is a LONG TIME of taking care of other people's children and seeing firsthand the amount of work that goes into having a child. I simply needed a break from that world. Chris and I are both very selfish with our time since we split it up between work, volunteering in many different aspects, church, family, etc. We like it just the 2 of us for now and know that one day we will be ready for that to change. When I babysat I worked with some of the most amazing moms that had it all together and did a great job with their children and I am sure that Chris and I will be good parents. I also know that when we do have #1 people can then start asking us when we are ready for #2...it's a never ending circle :)

Families with babies and families without babies

are sorry for each other.

Ed Howe